| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|03:43 pm] |
I dont remember the last time I was ever this happy with a relationship..I know it hasnt been long, but now more than any other time.. I can actually see this relationship going somewhere!
No im not in love with this one yet, as its WAY too soon... but i can see myself falling for him very easily! |
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| A new leaf |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|07:05 pm] |
wow
he makes it so easy for me.
I mean im pretty much over him. He is being a complete immature dick.
He broke my heart so many times... i feel guilty for breaking his too but, he's making it SUPER easy not to even care about that anymore.. but im willing to forgive him for his behavior.
Anyways.. done wasting my time on that topic.
On a side note.. i dont remember the last time i was this happy.
Its amazing and such a free feeling..
Is amazing what you find out your missing out on when you feel you're chained down.
Advice"dont stay in somethin or go into somethin if you know in the end will never work". Trust your instincts.
I feel like the sparkle in my eye that everyone used to say i had that had disappeared is coming back. More zest. Thank you god for making me strong throughout this..
"YOU" helped me alot thru this babe, thanks for being there :) |
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| Im sorry |
[Aug. 13th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Im sorry but this is the happiest i've felt in a really long time.
Feel like a huge boulder is lifted off my chest.
Suddenly i dont feel so sick anymore.. suddenly i can see more direction in my life.
Its amazing how one thing can make you look at life so much differently.
Dont hate me because this is what i had to do. You will realize one day that this decision was best for both of us.
Im sorry i broke your heart.. i feel bad.. but maybe i shouldnt.. because i guess it makes it even now. I've had my heart broken over and over again.. But i know how it feels and know its one of the worst feelings i've ever felt.. and because i still care about you, i definitely dont wish that pain on you. I hope you a better and happy life.
I see a ray of sunshine in my life.. could this be the beginning of something new and great..?
Let this be something positive for the future.. I can see it! |
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| shocked.. |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|07:34 pm] |
He came home two weeks early today
I was SO shocked to see him standing there.
when we kissed.. i felt so at home, at peace.
he kept lookin at me in wonder and amazement..
he kept kissin me.. and seemed like thats all he wanted from me!
it felt nice to know that..
I cant believe how good it is to see him again..
I hate how jealous i feel. Right after the shower and kissing and all that.. he went out to visit ppl.. i guess i shoudlnt feel jealous tho.. considering we're broke up n all..
Im also kinda MEH about the whole... lap dance thing.. knowing some other girl besides me rubbed up against him like that.. kinda relaly bothers me.. but oh well
suck it up
and get over it right? BLah.
why cant i just be over him? He's got such a strong hold over me still.
i coudlnt stop looking at him... i didnt wanna stop kissin him but i didnt wnat him to thin i was smothering him.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2008|11:16 pm] |
soooo
he apologised to me lastnight
i want to believe him.. i relaly do.. but i still have my doubts..
im scared
he said he still wanted me to go on the trip.. well lastnight he did anyways..
and i mean.. i really wanna go cuz c'mon its PUNTA CANA IN THE DOMINICAN
i Jus todn tknow what to do
im so confused. i wish i had guidance.
i wish noneof this had happened. |
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| </3 |
[Jan. 19th, 2008|01:47 am] |
Sunday Night we broke up :(
Im a mess.
I know its for the best, but i am absolutely heartbroken.
it was a mutual breakup, so ppl think it should be easier. ITS NOT
It hurts alot.. cuz its like.. i had to break up with him cuz he wasnt willing to change his attitude towards me at all for me, wasnt willing to love me the way i wanted to be loved.
this is hard.
Probably the worst feeling I have ever felt
I guess im incapable of love.
Even though i've went thru all this for a week, i'd never ask for him back.. but i dont think i'd be able to say no if he asked for me back.. cuz it would give me hope that OOOH he loves me.. and he wants to ACTUALLY try. U know?
But I think he likes being single cuz he's a HUGE flirt who wants to be single so he can be a slut.
I hate life right now. SO MUCH. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2008|11:09 pm] |
it seems like he's happier being away from me, than with me
why am i letting this go on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2008|09:51 pm] |
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I desperately want to feel wanted and needed |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2008|09:39 am] |
It still kinda hurts today.
I feel stuck.
want the pain to stop |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2008|01:54 am] |
Okay
I think i need to start writing in you alot more.
Im holding ALOT in.. for the sake of my relationship.. i cant talk about it.
Im more jealous than my own good. I cant stand the way he talks to other females all the time.. like he says he wants to get them naked n stuff (in textin and msn n stuff)... and BLah
and i know it shouldnt bother me cuz tis all a big "joke", but it hurts so goddam bad.
I feel like Im not enough for him. I feel like im there to amuse him when he's bored, but when his friends are around, im just a big inconvenience..
Love hurts so much.
I am pretty sure im going to go insane.. and haev to start talkin to Councellors.. minds not so sane these days.. i cant handle much more.. feel like im flying off the edge.
I cant talk to him, because everytime i mention something, he gets really defensive and turns it all back on me...pretty much does what he can to make me feel like its my fault..
I have this overwhelming anger all the time, but i tuck it away and pretend like im sorry because i hate when he's angry wiht me cuz he can be so cruel..
I dont feel like im his gf when he's around his friend or anyone anymore for that matter... he kinda just tosses me aside... and when we're alone again, acts like he was a complete prince the whole time..
I havent been sleeping well because I cant clear my head of all these thoughts, and i literally feel like my heart is being ripped piece by piece.. and he could care less..
feels like he does what he can to feel like he has the power and upperhand in the relationship.
The other day i asked him if he would ever hit me, and he said that if I ever made him mad enough, he probably would.
HOW DO I MAKE HIM SEE!?!?!?!??! |
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